just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Randomize
