I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
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I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
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I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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