My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
