I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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