I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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