take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
