i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
