I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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