Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I didn't shave. On purpose
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
