I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
