As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
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