You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
she told me i tasted like america
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
