ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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