he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
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I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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