I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Randomize
