White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
