Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
