I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Where is the hickey?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
