I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
