If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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