you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My liver just had a heart attack.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
