I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
