Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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