That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
