Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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