pop tarts are not kleenex
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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