Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
