College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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