I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
