if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
