I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
