so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
