After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
