I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
