he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
