I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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