Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
