And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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