well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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