I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
