You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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