we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
