today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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