my vag is so smooth its legendary
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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