it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
