We named our party play list daddy issues
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
