I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
