all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
