idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
