gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize