Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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