shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Just cropdusted the office
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
