I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
