I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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