Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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