i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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