I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
