I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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