At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
