I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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