He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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