and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
