id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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