Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You ruined the universe
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
