he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
