Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
