Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
