im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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