They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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